This Time

 It has been such a long time since I have taken my finger to the keys to creating something on this platform.   I have since I was last here lost my father, lost my house, my three dogs, and a bunny, and got divorced. My Pastor who taught me about salvation also went home to be with the Lord.  Each of these events has significance since they all meant a lot to me and my children.

I know some would say why haven't you lost your mind? Honestly, I turned my attention to scriptures that encouraged me during these times. Writing helps me to heal and express myself, more clearly I feel than speaking sometimes. So walk with me, as exhale. let's begin with my father, he was my guy, although we didn't get along too well most of my life because he was too controlling or I was too free either way it was not a good combination. I rebelled on every side. looking back I can say that it had a lot to do with me. I feel I had valid points as to why I wanted to have a say in my own story. I mean doesn't everyone? However, his taking the reigns of my life was not the way for me to go.  I think young people, any people want to be heard, but young people especially do not have the patience to wait for that fullness of time to decide things for themselves. At least I didn't. I didn't want to trust my father's voice or his plan for me, even though he was strict he still wanted the best for me.  Listen! We live in a fallen world and not one of us is 100% free from life's difficulties, there are times when we don't get it right, even raising kids.  Can you relate? Our best attempts often fail to be what we want or what is expected.  Fast forward my dad did represent stability to me. I ran to him anytime I felt as if I financially could not do what needed to be done.  Well, what's wrong with that?  looking back I should have been running to Jesus he is my rock, and he is where I am supposed to stand, not that your parents can't help but ultimately it's the Lord that helps us through our lives.   Who else is perfect and gets it just right every time?  Proverbs 3:5-6 says "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path".  So my father's death was sudden I was not prepared or ready to let go.  He had a back operation and he had been in therapy for some time but did not seem to be making much progress. He wanted to go home even against the doctor's orders.  To him, anything was better than being bedridden in the hospital.  Well back to rehab he went and there was kicking and screaming involved. During this time I was preparing to go home to see Daddy. All I had on my mind was I wanted to cut his hair and beard.   Daddy was there for about two weeks when an underlying heart problem surfaced and daddy passed away in his sleep from heart failure. I was heartbroken because I was planning to go home to just cut his hair and beard, that is all I could think of I didn't get to say goodbye. So my life is ever changed and my Father gave me everything I need to make it in life and my heavenly father will never leave me or forsake me. I also trusted that my father's life as well as all of our lives are in God's capable hands.  My father had confessed Jesus as his lord so I will see him again. 80 years old is a blessing!

 Losing my house was like pulling up a foundation that I laid through prayer and fasting,  I asked the Lord for a home to raise my children and he graciously provided. Thank You, Jesus! I raised my children there a few of them had never known another place to live.  I had their growth marked on the door frame I remember times both good and bad.  I remember my neighbors, skinned knees, storms, and downed trees it was a great neighborhood.  But losing that House just helps me to hold on to the people and not things, they rust, mold, and even go into foreclosure, but people however challenging should be our focus it's Jesus' focus. The Father made it very apparent that he was concerned for man and our souls. John 3:16 " for God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whosoever believeth on him should not perish but have eternal life. What love you have bestowed on us!

My dogs kind of reminded me of being a manager,  each one has their own dog personality but they are under your care, they have a wild nature but you as an owner have a responsibility to keep the dog and must be sure they don't hurt family members or someone else.  Well... apparently I was not that great of a manager I have learned that you must see if you have enough strength, finance, patience, space, and time for what you are asking for. In other words, what is your capacity?    What can you handle?   We say in Christianity we do not the bible God will not put more on us than we can bear but we surely get handfuls of things that were never meant to be on our plate.   I learned to look before I leap these days, It does not mean I'm afraid, just calculated in decision making.

In these seasons there is heaviness, an excitement, a wonder, a looking back just to see how far I  have come, and a looking forward to the greater thing that I know God has in store for me.  As I write I am so thankful to God that these were People, places, and things so close to me.  I'm confident it was God who helped me to Keep it together.  I can hear the words of my late  Apostle Elizabeth Alston, "I love him he is so good I want to know him more and more". As I recall her life she was truly a gift to the body of Christ.  She was a giver, she always had a good word in her mouth and she gave her time to the church which she served 52 years, and to others as well.  She was a financial blessing, she wanted to increase the body and those around her.   You could sense the peace of God in her life.  She was an example to me and many others. More personally I got to spend time with her and ask questions about leadership, marriage, and how to stand as a believer. She was a great support to my family in and out of the church I thank God I Knew her and learned from such a giant in the faith, a lady, a mother, missionary, prophet, evangelist I could go on. wow!   I miss her!  

 You can learn in every season if you're open up to the lesson.  The pain I have endured is incredibly rich with knowledge and wisdom I would not have experienced that in my happy place.

I learned how to temper my emotions by the Spirit of God I learned how to have faith for the next thing. I walk with God even if it's quiet and sometimes it is. I learned how to wait out situations, the pain and the feelings that can't be explained.  I experienced depending on the knowledge of God, his character not my feelings in the moment.

 

Just an Exhale! leave me a comment Blessings!